a podcast about caring too much
hosted by jen ponton + lillian bustle

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99. 99 Fucks (But a Fish Ain't One):

Today, Jen + Lillian celebrate 99 episodes of mortification, twitterpation, and complication--sharing stories, diaries, and letters of falling in love, terrible diets, and missives from the frontlines of the war on groundhogs. Aired March 25, 2021.

98. All the Genderfucks: In the wake of homophobic and transphobic nonsense like #superstraight, Jen + Lillian discuss the spectrum of their gendered experiences--as cis women, as fat bodies, and as queer people. Join us for a retrospective of trying desperately to be the "cool girl," reading sad poetry in trees, and the robbery of femininity from fat girls. Aired March 18, 2021.

97. All the Quaranfeelings: As we acknowledge our first quarantine-versary, a lot of feelings come up for Jen + Lillian. Certainly hellish ones, but also an abundance of hope--and that's what we focus on today. From very real tips on getting vaccinated in the wild west of medical access, to gratitude over quarantine's unlikely gifts, to reimagining the cultural landscape for artists, we reflect on our identities and purpose on this strange, surreal anniversary. Aired March 11, 2021.

96. All the Moth Invasions: Time for some passive aggressive sticky notes and long-forgotten leftovers! Love 'em or hate 'em, you've probably had to have them at least once in your life: we're talking roommates. From college blunders, to critter infestations, to early lessons in adulthood, Jen + Lillian recount some of their most cringeworthy co-habitations. Aired March 4, 2021.

95. All the Raccoon Baths: Join Jen + Lillian for another rousing edition of I Can't Believe I Did That, the storytelling game of embarrassing memories! Today's tales include indecent exposure in a moving vehicle, a flirty 75-year-old alter ego, and... the raccoon that was almost Thanksgiving dinner. Aired February 25, 2021.

94. All the Sea Lice: Swipe on that sunscreen, blast some Bon Jovi and hit the beach! Today, Jen + Lillian fondly remember the perils of their weirdest summer jobs. From Dirty Dancing gone wrong, to lice outbreaks, to playing chicken with barracudas, there's plenty we can't forget... but you'll wish we could. Aired February 18, 2021.

93. All the Red Flags: It's Valentine's weekend, and you know what that means, fuckbuddies--endless tomfoolery and terrible decisions! Join Jen + Lillian as we dig up some regrettable memories of the heart--guileless theatre romances; broody, mysterious penpals... and exactly what happens when you place a personal ad looking for love in New York City. Aired February 11, 2021.

92. All the Snow Bunnies: Winter doesn't do it for a lot of folks, but once in a while, you get really lucky--and you get a snow day! Grab some hot cocoa and join Jen + Lillian as they wait out a massive 3-day blizzard, remembering the indignities of New York winters, ski splats, and almost getting buried alive in a snow fort. Aired February 4, 2021.

91. All the Sweater Puppies: An episode meant for other matters takes a sharp left when Jen reflects on the future of underwires post quarantine. Join your early bloomers Jen + Lillian as they dive into sizing out of Victoria's Secret, the horrors of having boobs in gym class, and just how much fun it is or isn't when everyone feels entitled to touch them. (Spoiler alert--it isn't!) Aired January 28, 2021.

90. All the Humble Brags: It's a day of celebration here on All the Fucks! On the day after the inauguration, Jen + Lillian are riding high! Join us as we celebrate all kinds of wins--from career highs to childhood trophies, everything is a celebration... especially finding the perfect pair of underwear. Aired January 21, 2021.

89. All the Hump Days: Happy birthday to us, fuckbuddies! Jen + Lillian celebrate *one year* of All the Fucks with some golden stories from their diaries. Join us for sordid tales of the trenchcoat mafia, aristocratic secrets of the Upper East Side, and exactly what to do when customers knock cowboy boots at your Olde Tyme Photo stand. Aired January 14, 2021.

88. All the Secret Rooms: It's 2021! And Lillian's birthday! And despite the world still being very acutely on fire, Jen + Lillian celebrate with some renewed--if tempered--vigor for life! We share our modest dreams for a year ahead that will probably still be in quarantine... but bolstered by hopes of twitterpation, wanderlust, and the thrills of trespassing. Someday. So... see you in 2022, probably? Aired January 7, 2021.

87. All the Exiled Furries: It's another auld lang syne, fuckbuddies--but this one hits different, doesn't it?! Help Jen + Lillian bid a fond farewell to the dumpster fire on poppers that was 2020. Along with our forgotten New Years Resolutions, we remember other non-starter ideas that fizzled immediately: becoming a Sugarbaker interior designer, having the skills of a first chair clarinetist... and the yet unrealized dream of being a ringmaster. Aired December 31, 2020.

86. All the Yuletide Liaisons: It's a jingle-jangle holiday special! Pour yourself some 'nog and roast some chestnuts with Jen + Lillian as they recount their fucks of Christmas past. From falling in love in a blizzard, to male fragility, to making out with gay guys on a Revolutionary battlefield... Santa's about to fill our stockings with fucks! Aired December 24, 2020.

85. All the Mall Santas: It's a jingle-jangle holiday special! Jen + Lillian discuss the blessings and heartache of a quarantine Christmas--the joy of giving the perfect gifts, the very best holiday specials, and the classist bullshit of Santa Claus. Deck the halls with fucks aplenty! Aired December 17, 2020.

84. All the Werewolf Strippers: Jen + Lillian are back with another guest--Fem Appeal, the burlesque performer who goes bump in the night! Fem's work is unnerving and creepy, full of horror and sci-fi camp. She waxes creeptastic about basements full of dolls, the birth of her drag (and how much she hopes her dad can't hear her in the next room). Aired December 10, 2020.

83. All the Tawdry Teachers: Time for another lightning round! Jen + Lillian break out Mortified's "I Can't Believe I Did That" card game for delightful amuse bouche stories on teacher crushes, funky smells, and legendary kisses that absolutely should have happened. Aired December 3, 2020.

82. All the Festive Velociraptors: Happy Thanksgiving, fuckbuddies! Stay safe, stay put, and don't have a bird. Instead, let us regale you with stories of all fowl delightful and strange--from toddler-size T-Rexes, to pushy pelicans, to a looney bin full of turkeys! Thanksgiving 2020 is truly for the birds. Aired November 26, 2020.

81. All the Fake Spice Girls: Is this what we'd call a minisode?! Join Jen + Lillian as they play the new Mortified card came, I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THAT... amuse bouche stories of forgery, cringeworthy nicknames, and that one Spice Girls hit you definitely haven't heard of. Aired November 19, 2020.

80. All the Happy Tears: It's a new dawn, fuckbuddies--and today, Jen + Lillian enjoy a cloud of gratitude and relief as we reflect on some of our sweetest wins. From claw machines and stage mothering to finding strength as a World Class Loser, we take you through some of our highest highs and frustrating lows--and the importance of celebrating every little good thing. Aired November 12, 2020.
79. All the Mystery Meat: What horrors await you in the squishy, slimy, ooey gooey things that go bump in your locker... that forgotten purse... the produce drawer? Today, Jen + Lillian chill and thrill with all things gross and grotesque. There's long forgotten mystery meat, literally hundreds of flies, and all the gross fun of inhabiting a finite flesh bag. Aired November 5, 2020.
78. All the Ouija Boards: It's our final *spOoOoky Halloween* episode! In addition to endless horror movie recommendations, Jen + Lillian share some final stories of parking lot ghouls, devoted doggo ghosts, and chonky little knife-wielding superheroes. Aired October 29, 2020.

77. All the Bad Omens: Lock the doors and leave on a nightlight, because today, Jen + Lillian bring you more *spOoOoOoky Halloween* stories! This episode has everything: mysterious midnight cabals, SHINING-style bleeding walls, and a shrine to the Golden Girls. Aired October 22, 2020.

76. All the Ghosts and Ghouls: Here at All the Fucks, we're celebrating spoOoOoOoky Halloween all through October! Today, Jen + Lillian regale you with tales of fiendish fiddlers, shadows under the bed, and hidden nightmare mirrors. (Don't worry--you can hide in our blanket fort.) Aired October 15, 2020.

75. All the Circus Freaks: Today, Jen + Lillian take you to Coney Island! Home of mermaids, corndogs, and the freakiest sideshows the world has to offer. Join us and Coney Island's Patchwork Girl, Nati Amos, for stories of flesh suspension, fire-eating... and oodles of sexy, gay love. Aired October 8, 2020.